SHARING MARY'S TEARS

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matt. 6:14 (NIV)

I awake—heart pounding. My sleep is disturbed by worry. I seek the Lord’s comfort and peace.

Through the darkness my mother's heart cries out, recognizing that still, after years, I harbor anger and resentment for the one who nearly took my son's life. Anger burned as I recalled the event that hurt his heart and sent his life into years of a self-destructive tailspin.

Without speaking, I cry to God, "He almost killed my son!" Life crushing pain squeezed across my chest as I pleaded my case.

God quietly, tenderly responds.

"They DID kill my son . . .

And it was for you."

That broke me, drove me from my bed to my knees at this most holy moment. I sobbed out my sorrow for what my sins had done and my thankfulness that even now, God could love me so deeply as to speak love into my pain, ever so gently caressing away the ugly ache of anger that screamed for justice.

He reminds me I have been forgiven once and for all, but in return, I must forgive.

Tears continued streaming from the deep well of pain in my heart. I felt kinship with Mary as she cried for her son.

I felt her tears stinging from under my eyelids—tears that I was in part responsible for.

Oh God, forgive me for my unforgiveness. Help me to release what I am holding on to. Change my heart. Help me to trust you unreservedly with all I hold dear. 

Praise You, Father, for showing me the error of my way, what is inhibiting healing and fullness of joy. Amen.

© 2018 Bonnie Mae Evans