SHARING MARY'S TEARS

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matt. 6:14 (NIV)

I awake—heart pounding. My sleep is disturbed by worry. I seek the Lord’s comfort and peace.

Through the darkness my mother's heart cries out, recognizing that still, after years, I harbor anger and resentment for the one who nearly took my son's life. Anger burned as I recalled the event that hurt his heart and sent his life into years of a self-destructive tailspin.

Without speaking, I cry to God, "He almost killed my son!" Life crushing pain squeezed across my chest as I pleaded my case.

God quietly, tenderly responds.

"They DID kill my son . . .

And it was for you."

That broke me, drove me from my bed to my knees at this most holy moment. I sobbed out my sorrow for what my sins had done and my thankfulness that even now, God could love me so deeply as to speak love into my pain, ever so gently caressing away the ugly ache of anger that screamed for justice.

He reminds me I have been forgiven once and for all, but in return, I must forgive.

Tears continued streaming from the deep well of pain in my heart. I felt kinship with Mary as she cried for her son.

I felt her tears stinging from under my eyelids—tears that I was in part responsible for.

Oh God, forgive me for my unforgiveness. Help me to release what I am holding on to. Change my heart. Help me to trust you unreservedly with all I hold dear. 

Praise You, Father, for showing me the error of my way, what is inhibiting healing and fullness of joy. Amen.

© 2018 Bonnie Mae Evans

NO FEAR, JUST SEA TURTLES

When you pass through the waters I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2 (NAS)

My family was on the island of Hawaii to celebrate my nephew's wedding. I reveled in being surrounded by another facet of God's beauty-rich, awe-inspiring creation.
The far view from our balcony encompassed a white coral beach edging the deep blue Pacific. A closer view revealed a sparkling, lagoon surrounded by swaying palms.

This will be the spot held most dear in my memory.

Everyone who knows me can vouch for my fear of dark water. To walk beside a pond prickles my arms with chills.

When my son came in ecstatic over his sea turtle encounter, excitedly sharing this was the coolest experience of his twenty years, I desired to share that memory.

There was only one problem—the turtles hung out in the farthest, deepest corner of the lagoon. If fear ruled, it would be impossible for me.

I began swimming in the clear, green shallow.  Approaching the dark I prayed, "God, please take away all my fear. I want to experience the joy of your creation more fully. Amazed, I kept swimming, stroke after stroke without a twinge of trepidation.  

An hour drifted by as I paddled and floated in the deep.

I waited.

No turtles.

Finally, I prayed, "Lord, please send a turtle my way."

I waited—still no turtles.

I started back. Suddenly, I was not alone! My hand stroked down the long neck and shell of a large sea turtle as it surfaced beside me. We shared a few extraordinary moments swimming eye to eye. Joy welled deep within me!

God held me up.

He protected me.

He gave me joy!

Praise You Father, for showing me that joy awaits when I lay my fears before You. Amen.

©2015 Bonnie Mae Evans