SHARING MARY'S TEARS

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matt. 6:14 (NIV)

I awake—heart pounding. My sleep is disturbed by worry. I seek the Lord’s comfort and peace.

Through the darkness my mother's heart cries out, recognizing that still, after years, I harbor anger and resentment for the one who nearly took my son's life. Anger burned as I recalled the event that hurt his heart and sent his life into years of a self-destructive tailspin.

Without speaking, I cry to God, "He almost killed my son!" Life crushing pain squeezed across my chest as I pleaded my case.

God quietly, tenderly responds.

"They DID kill my son . . .

And it was for you."

That broke me, drove me from my bed to my knees at this most holy moment. I sobbed out my sorrow for what my sins had done and my thankfulness that even now, God could love me so deeply as to speak love into my pain, ever so gently caressing away the ugly ache of anger that screamed for justice.

He reminds me I have been forgiven once and for all, but in return, I must forgive.

Tears continued streaming from the deep well of pain in my heart. I felt kinship with Mary as she cried for her son.

I felt her tears stinging from under my eyelids—tears that I was in part responsible for.

Oh God, forgive me for my unforgiveness. Help me to release what I am holding on to. Change my heart. Help me to trust you unreservedly with all I hold dear. 

Praise You, Father, for showing me the error of my way, what is inhibiting healing and fullness of joy. Amen.

© 2018 Bonnie Mae Evans

Precious Prayers

O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer. Psalm 4:1 (NAS)

Early this morning I knelt to spend time with Jesus. Gazing up at the sky, I wondered why I always look skyward to begin my prayers. I know He is everywhere as well as right beside me. I begin that way, but often the nature and urgency of my prayers drive me face down before my Lord.

Have you ever had those times? Times when your need is so great, your fear is so deep, your burden is so heavy, disappointment cuts like a knife or maybe physical pain is too much too bear. Those times when you pray those desperate wrenched-from-the-heart prayers—crying out to God, pleading with Him to intervene in your life or the life of someone you love.

Prayer time is valuable, however painful the situation. We recognize that God alone is sufficient to meet our needs. He is sovereign. He is the Great I AM! We “get down” with God and get real about our total dependence on Him. We acknowledge how deeply He cares.

During times such as these God’s closeness is palpable. I can almost feel His breath on the back of my neck. I feel Him drawing near, inclining His ear to me. He hears our hearts. The Bible says He collects our tears in a bottle. They are precious to Him because we are precious to Him. Revelation 5:8 tells us that our prayers are so special that God keeps them as incense in golden bowls. Not one prayer is ever lost or whispered in vain.

Prayer is the lifeline to our Father.

Thank you, Father for making yourself so easily accessible to us through prayer. Amen.

© 2013 Bonnie Mae Evans